I give the f*ck up! I surrender. I wave the white flag, even though you probably can’t see it through all your snow. I am so sick of this white snow and ice sh*t I can’t stand it.
I am not normally a hot weather person. I like winter. Not as well as fall, but I like it. I like the occasional light chilly snow blanketing the grass on a weekend. It gives me a good excuse to be lazy and stay inside and read.
But my God! You have really outdone yourself the last month or so. You have snarled traffic, run entire cities out of salt and raised heating bills through the roof. You have even made ordinarily sane people question the existence of global warming.
You have caused my knee to get scraped and bruised trying to set the garbage can out for trash pick-up. By the way, something as mundane as this becomes rather tricky when you have to shovel snow just to roll a can a few feet. You have caused the tarp over the dog kennel to come within threads of total collapse. You have caused my son to miss @ 15 days of school so far, ensuring that he and his friends will be in class during the middle of June, and adding an extra half-hour to my commute as I add a round-trip 10-mile 30-minute drive to my already nerve-mangling commute so my mom can keep him while I work.
I get it. You may have been pretty weak the last few years, but you have proven you’ve still got it! I’m in awe. I bow down to you. Bravo!
That being said, it’s time for you to calm the f*ck down and leave! That’s right. I don’t care what a groundhog in Pennsylvania said, and I don’t care which way the jet stream blows. GO AWAY! I’ve had it. Enough! I want a sunny 70 degree day so bad I can taste it! And if you hear me b*tch when I’m mowing the yard and melting on a 95 degree day this summer, feel free to slap me with your cold a*s wind. Until then, GO AWAY!!!